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EDIT OF COLLEGE ENTRANCE ESSAY​

            I took a 3-step editing approach to this paper. I edited this paper as though all the information was vital and that the author would want to keep all the ideas. For this reason, I did very little questioning of the "facts" and instead gave edits for the organization and word choice. My editing system was to start with surface-level edits such as misspelling and grammatical issues and move into larger issues and concise-ness as I continued into levels two and three. Below I've included the original essay and each round of edits. My edits will be shown in a different color than the base essay. Each edit round will assume that all edits from the previous round were accepted, so the previous edited draft will become the new base.

            Overall, I would also make a comment in the margins asking the student to add more about what she can add to each of these things that drew her to SLU - what can she bring the meteorology program? What will she do at the church? What can she do to add to the welcoming campus? The edits I've made will give room to talk in-depth about these answers.

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Original

            Ayn Rand, a famous novelist, once said, "The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity." Ever since I first visited Saint Louis University, I knew that this school would best fulfill my needs and aspirations. I have always wanted to become a research meteorologist, and SLU provides more than enough opportunities for me to achieve this goal. My three favorite aspects of Saint Louis University that triggered my interests are the Meteorology program, St. Francis Xavier College Church, and the home-like, friendly environment on campus. A few other colleges have caught my eye, but none like SLU.

            To begin, Saint Louis University offers a thriving meteorology program. When I was a little girl, I wanted to grow up to be a successful research meteorologist. My aspirations have not changed since I first pictured myself reaching for this area. In this program, I am most excited for the accessibility to the many resources that SLU offers for those studying meteorology. The university provides access to the Earthquake Center, the Cooperative Institute for Precipitation Systems, the Global Geodynamics Program, the Center for Environmental Sciences, and Quantum Weather. These resource opportunities offered at SLU are substantially more abundant than any other university that I have visited. The meteorology program excites me through my educational eye, but on the other hand, my extra-curricular eye fell in love with St. Francis Xavier College Church.

            Secondly, Saint Louis University's campus is very beautiful, but in my opinion the most extravagant and eye-catching building is the St. Francis Xavier College Church. My background of worship began when I was eight years old. As I've continued to grow, my faith has also grown. As soon as I stepped into this church, I knew that I wanted to worship there. This church is very artistically detailed and welcomes anyone with open arms. I felt more than welcome when I visited this place of worship and I know that this church will offer great opportunities to meet new friends while also strengthening my faith. The St. Francis Xavier College Church is a landmark on SLU's campus, but it does not outshine the rest of SLU's alluring campus.

            Lastly, I have yet to encounter a friendlier campus that that of Saint Louis University. As my mom and I were walking along with our campus tour guide, every student or faculty member we passed offered a friendly smile or even a hello. College visits have always been nerve-racking for me because it's very difficult to seek every opportunity that could better my chances for success, especially when comparing every school that I have visited. The welcoming campus at SLU was the icing on the cake during my visit. Everything had more than fulfilled my outlook on this visit. SLU offers my intended program of study, a valuable place to interact with fellow Billikens and worship, and and alluring campus.

            To conclude, SLU offers many impressive, considerable opportunities for me as a prospective student. I see myself thriving as a future Billiken and I cannot be more excited for what is to come.

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Level One Edits

            Ayn Rand, a famous novelist, once said, "The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity." Ever since I first visited Saint Louis University, I knew that this school would best fulfill my needs and aspirations. I have always wanted to become a research meteorologist, and SLU provides more than enough opportunities for me to achieve this goal. My three favorite aspects of Saint Louis University that triggered my interests are the meteorology program, St. Francis Xavier College Church, and the home-like, friendly environment on campus. A few other colleges have caught my eye, but none like SLU.

            To begin, Saint Louis University offers a thriving meteorology program. When I was a little girl, I wanted to grow up to be a successful research meteorologist. My aspirations have not changed since I first pictured myself reaching for this area. In this program, I am most excited for the accessibility to the many resources that SLU offers for those studying meteorology. The University provides access to the Earthquake Center, the Cooperative Institute for Precipitation Systems, the Global Geodynamics Program, the Center for Environmental Sciences, and Quantum Weather. These resource opportunities offered at SLU are substantially more abundant than any other university that I have visited. The meteorology program excites me through my educational eye, but on the other hand, my extra-curricular eye fell in love with St. Francis Xavier College Church.

            Secondly, Saint Louis University's campus is very beautiful, but in my opinion the most extravagant and eye-catching building is the St. Francis Xavier College Church. My background of worship began when I was eight years old. As I've continued to grow, my faith has also grown. As soon as I stepped into this church, I knew that I wanted to worship there. This church is very artistically detailed and welcomes anyone with open arms. I felt more than welcome when I visited this place of worship and knew that this church would offer great opportunities to meet new friends while also strengthening my faith. The St. Francis Xavier College Church is a landmark on SLU's campus, but it does not outshine the rest of SLU's alluring campus.

            Lastly, I have yet to encounter a friendlier campus that that of Saint Louis University. As my mom and I were walking along with our campus tour guide, every student or faculty member we passed offered a friendly smile or even a hello. College visits have always been nerve-racking for me because it's very difficult to seek every opportunity that could better my chances for success, especially when comparing every school that I have visited. The welcoming campus at SLU was the icing on the cake during my visit. Everything has more than fulfilled my outlook on this visit. SLU offers my intended program of study, a valuable place to interact with fellow Billikens and worship, and and alluring campus.

            To conclude, SLU offers many impressive, considerable opportunities for me as a prospective student. I see myself thriving as a future Billiken and I cannot be more excited for what is to come.

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Level Two Edits

            Ayn Rand once said, "The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity." Ever since I first visited Saint Louis University, I knew that this school would best fulfill my needs and aspirations. I have always wanted to become a research meteorologist, and SLU provides more than enough opportunities for me to achieve this goal. My three favorite aspects of Saint Louis University that trigger my interests are the meteorology program, St. Francis Xavier College Church, and the home-like, friendly environment on campus. A few other colleges have caught my eye, but none like SLU.

            To begin, Saint Louis University offers a thriving meteorology program. When I was a little girl, I wanted to grow up to be a successful research meteorologist. My aspirations have not changed since I first pictured myself reaching for this area. In this program, I am most excited for the accessibility to the many resources that SLU offers those studying meteorology. The University provides access to the Earthquake Center, the Cooperative Institute for Precipitation Systems, the Global Geodynamics Program, the Center for Environmental Sciences, and Quantum Weather. These resource opportunities are substantially more abundant than any other university I have visited. The meteorology program excites me through my educational eye, but on the other hand, my extra-curricular eye fell in love with St. Francis Xavier College Church.

            Saint Louis University's campus is very beautiful, but the most extravagant and eye-catching building is the St. Francis Xavier College Church. My background of worship began when I was eight years old. As I've physically grown, my faith has also grown. As soon as I stepped into this church, I knew I wanted to worship there. I felt more than welcomed when I visited this place of worship and knew this church would offer great opportunities to meet new friends while also strengthening my faith. This church is very artistically detailed and welcomes anyone with open arms. The St. Francis Xavier College Church is a landmark on SLU's campus, but it does not outshine the rest of SLU's alluring campus.

            Lastly, I have yet to encounter a friendlier campus that that of Saint Louis University. As my mom and I walked with our campus tour guide, every student or faculty member we passed offered a friendly smile or even a hello. College visits have always been nerve-racking for me because it's very difficult to seek every opportunity that could better my chances for success, especially when comparing every school that I have visited. The welcoming campus at SLU was the icing on the cake during my visit. Everything more than fulfilled my outlook on this visit.
            SLU offers my intended program of study, a valuable place to interact with fellow Billikens and worship, and and alluring campus. To conclude, SLU offers many impressive, considerable opportunities for me as a prospective student. I see myself thriving as a future Billiken and I cannot be more excited for what is to come.

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Level Three Edits

            Ayn Rand once said, "The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity." Ever since I first visited Saint Louis University, I knew that this school would best provide me those opportunities by fulfilling my aspirations to become a research meteorologist. Three unique aspects of Saint Louis University that trigger my interests are the meteorology program, St. Francis Xavier College Church, and the home-like, friendly environment on campus.

            To begin, Saint Louis University offers a thriving meteorology program. Ever since I was little, I have wanted to be a successful research meteorologist. In SLU's meteorology this program, I am excited for the accessibility to many resources that will make that dream possible. The University provides access to the Earthquake Center, the Cooperative Institute for Precipitation Systems, the Global Geodynamics Program, the Center for Environmental Sciences, and Quantum Weather. These abundant resources cause SLU to outrank other universities I have visited. Though the meteorology program excites me educationally, I have also fallen in love with St. Francis Xavier College Church.

            Saint Louis University's campus is very beautiful, but the most extravagant and eye-catching building is the St. Francis Xavier College Church. My background of worship began when I was eight years old. As I've physically grown, my faith has also grown. As soon as I stepped into the beautiful and ornate St. Francis Xavier College Church, I knew I wanted to worship there. I felt welcomed and knew this church would offer great opportunities to meet new friends while strengthening my faith. The St. Francis Xavier College Church is a landmark, but it does not outshine the rest of SLU's alluring campus.

            I have not encountered a friendlier campus that that of Saint Louis University. As my mom and I walked with our campus tour guide, every student or faculty member we passed offered a friendly smile or even a hello. College visits have always been nerve-racking for me, but the welcoming campus at SLU helped me envision my collegiate success. 

            SLU offers an excellent meteorology program, a valuable place to interact and worship with fellow Billikens, and and has alluring campus. To conclude, I see myself thriving as a Billiken and I cannot be more excited for the excellent education and promising future Saint Louis University provides.